Tag: Miss Emily

Conversations with Emily

Often when I get an idea I play it out in my mind, especially when it comes to writing a skit. Sometimes I use the idea, sometimes I don’t, and occasionally end up with pics that I do not use. I intend capturing some of these moments.

*****

Spring is sprung.

Miss Emily has been in hibernation for quite some time but paid a brief visit to the world in her new dress.

“Finally! Spring is here!”

“I like your new dress Miss Emily.”

“Isn’t it snazzy? and it matches my sandals too”

“You are a regular Pink Panther now. And of course Courage matches your dress too.”

“Oh yes, Pink is the new black. Spring is also the season for ice cream,” she said hopefully.

“I will definitely get me some of those.” I teased.

“And will you buy some for me?”

“Nope, you take them to school and they leak all over your books and stationary.”

“But, but, but…”

“In fact there is a new rule. You are only allowed ice cream in a small tub, and by small I do not mean 5 litres either!”

“SMALL? noooooooooooooooooooooo! I may as well go back into hibernation.”

“You hibernated way too long, you even missed the snow. I tried to wake you but you snoozed away. I even knocked on your head to see whether anybody was home; but Miss Emily sawed wood while wearing a blank expression.”

“Blank expression? I was doing my famous pouty face. All you had to do was wave an ice cream cone in my immediate vicinity and I would have rebooted.”

“I will remember for next time.”

“I think we deserve a huge pud for lunch today because I have been such a good girl.”

“To quote Pink Floyd: “How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?” “

“Meat? there will be meat?”

“Probably not, it is expensive stuff. The bank won’t even give me a loan to buy a steak.”

“A steak or two you mean?”

“No steak for you Miss Emily, broccoli and carrots are on your menu.”

“Oh pooh.”

“However, because you have been a good girl this past year I will allow you a small trifle.”

“A trifle? if I put some in my ears will I be a trifle deaf?”

“No more than than normal. Come along lets us go inside, I need some tea. “

“Okey dokey, may we negotiate on the pudding question?”

“Hmm…  I will see how it goes. It really depends on the weather.”

“Weather has nothing to do with pudding.”

“No it doesn’t, but in this case it is more to do with whether, as in “Whether we have enough or whether I have space in the freezer for more. “.”

—————————————————– 

On finding an abandoned shopping trolley near the Carrant Brook…

“May I push this trolley into the river?”

“Certainly not! You are not a mindless vandal.”

“But everybody else does it.”

“If everybody else jumped off a bridge would you jump off a bridge?

“It depended on whether there was a soft landing or not.”

“Well, if you do decide to dump that trolley into the river be rest assured that you will spend the next week upside down in your box in the cupboard!”

“That’s kind of harsh.”

“What did you expect?”

“Ice cream… “

How does one deal with that kind of logic? 


On going to school…

“Ok, so I get to wear this cool uniform and sit in a classroom with other kids and get taught stuff by an adult in front of a chalkboard/”

“Something like that.”

“It does not sound like fun. I will much rather spend that time surfing the net and looking at crazy cat videos.”

“I am inclined to agree with you. School does stifle creativity.”

“I can be creative, look, I found 17 sites with dolls in them, and 16 of them have profiles on facebook and linkedin! I want a profile on facebook and linkedin!”

“You can’t because you are too young!”

“Too young? but but but…”

“Besides, I am letting you have a portion of my blog to use. I should be charging you a hosting fee!”

“Fee? I am a penniless dolly who doesn’t have 2 pence to rub together.”

“That’s because you spend your pocket money on ice cream and giant hair bows.”


Miss Emily was busted for eating ice cream in class.

“So Miss Emily, can you please explain why you were eating ice cream in class?”

“I had to eat it or it would have melted.”

“Why did you take it to school and not leave it at home in the freezer for when you came home from school?”

“Um… well I kind of bought it on my way to school.”

“Ah, and then you snuck it in and scoffed it during class?”

“Yep, that is it, I tried to eat it during maths class.”

“And the end result was a “Please Explain”?”

“Yep, one of those. Geez, it’s not as if I was doing something bad.”

“I would consider eating ice cream during maths to be a major bad thing, especially if you are not supposed to even have an ice cream in any class. Have you done this before?”

“Nope, never in maths class.”

“Ah, so you have eaten ice cream in a different class?”

“Oops, that was not supposed to come out.”

“Miss Emily, no ice cream for you for a month!”

“Oh pooh, does that mean I will have to throw away the Eskimo Pie in my bag?”

“You have an Eskimo Pie in your bag?”

“Oh yes, I was saving it for geography class.”

“Miss Emily, I think you need to go spend some time in the corner and ponder on your misdeeds after you have thrown away the Eskimo Pie and any other ice cream products that may be lurking in your bag.”

“Can’t I eat them instead?”

“Certainly not. In fact you can give them to me. I will eat them.”

“Mutter mutter…. “

“Don’t mutter to me in that tone of voice. Give me your ill gotten stash before I decide to make things much worse.”

I really enjoyed the ice cream, although how she ended up with three of them I will never know. Hopefully this will be the last we hear of ice cream in school.

________________________________________________________________

Speeches and ice cream (again)

“Miss Emily, how was your day at school?”
“It was OK, we learnt about “ex””
“Don’t you mean “x”?”
“Nope, it was definitely “ex””.
“I will take your word for it then; but what did you learn about this mysterious “ex”?”
“Um, I learnt that it stands for EXAMS!!”
“Aaah now I see where you are going.”
“I am going somewhere?”
“It is figure of speech. Anyway, I think you are too young to write exams.”
“I am, I am. But these are spoken exams as in “The boy stood on the burning deck….””
“In other word you have to make a speech?”
“That’s it! I have to talk for at least 10 minutes about something. I could not think of enough to say about Ice cream that would last for 10 minutes. An ice cream isn’t alive for that long.”
“Especially when you have it in your grubby hands.”
“Grubby? my hands grubby?”
“Yes, they are full of ice cream stains”
“Whoops… um, well you know…”
“Were you busted for scoffing ice cream in class again?”
Miss Emily looked crestfallen.
“And your punishment is to give a speech?”
She nodded.
“You are lucky, when I was in school we had to learn a poem all about a drought.”
“A drought?”
“Yep, it rambled on and on about thirst and dry and sand and relentless heat.”
“I get thirsty just hearing about it.”
“And, to make matters worse, it was the day before the schools broke up, so instead of rubbing our hands together in anticipation of the 3 weeks holiday ahead, we had to learn that dumb poem.”
“You should have had some ice cream, that would have made everything right.”
“Not everything can be set right by the judicious scoffing of chocolate flavoured dairy products.”
“It should be…”
“I do agree to a point, but I am afraid life is not always that straight forward.”
“Oh pooh, then I better think about what I am going to say.”
“Well, you are an expert dolly translator, why not use that in your speech?”
“Oooo, thats an idea, maybe I can do my speech in thick German.”
“Better stick to English or you may just end up having to learn a long winded poem about a drought. I will leave it to you. Do not disappoint!”
I left Miss Emily to her mutterings about Eskimo Pies, Cornettos and the benefits of a Flake and chocolate sprinkles on your favourite Neopolitan ice cream sandwich.

The next day..

“So Miss Emily, how did it go?”
“I said to them… “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.”
“That sounds familiar, did you translate it yourself?”
“Not exactly, it is one of those funny thingamajigs that you find when you mess around with your blog and preview the settings”
“I knew it sounded familiar. But what did the teacher say?”
“Glacies crepito ut ultra vos autem videtis me post schola”
“Meaning?”
“No more ice cream for you, see me after school”

Updated: 22/04/2018 — 07:44

Miss Emily and the new dress

On my early morning rounds about town I always pop into a local charity shop that has a really amazing collection of retro stuff. Occasionally a rare gem pops up too, and on this particular day I spotted a really awesome sailor dress that appeared to be around about the size that Miss Emily takes. Although one thing I have learnt is that what it says on the label does not always match what you think you are getting. Anyway, Miss Emily was suitably chuffed with her new gear, although I must really find her an appropriate hat, even though she does tend to loose those.

Dressed in her Sunday finest we ventured out into the sunlight, something that has been decidedly absent these past few weeks. The brook was very low too, so we could get to an area that ordinarily isn’t easy to access. My big concern was that Miss Emily would decide to do a nose dive into the sand, but fortunately she behaved a bit today.

If anything she was being demure, but then given how easy it was to get really filthy in these surroundings demure is a good thing to be. 

“Miss Emily, you are really looking very beautiful today. The dress is perfect, although it may have to taken up a tad.”

“Taken up? nobody is takeing up my dress, forget it, it isn’t going to happen. This is my formal dress, for when I go the opera or the dolly church!”

“The dolly church? I have never heard of it.”

“Oh yes, it is a very important place. At the dolly church we pray that a 6 year old will not attack us with scissors and give us a bad haircut or that we won’t end up in the dreaded “Box under the bed” .

“I have heard of the box under the bed. If it is any consolation I will not put you in the box under the bed, although the only reason for that is my very low bed!”

“Although there is a large box in the box room with your name on it.”

“Nooooooo… not the dreaded box in the boxroom!”

“I am afraid so, occasionally I need to store you and that box is perfect. I do know that when dolls get put in boxes they normally fall asleep and dream dolly dreams.”

“A likely story! I don’t have sleep eyes so cannot sleep!”

“Let’s deal with that eventuality when it happens, rather just enjoy the outing.”

“Okey dokey, but you owe me an ice cream!”

“I will give you a rain cheque Miss Emily, because I owe myself an ice cream and there is none in the freezer!”

Miss Emily sat down on the bank of the Carrant Brook and looked at the burbling water..

“This is nice, the water is so clear too.”

“That’s true, although you can now see the pollution and the rubbish that ends up in the water.”

“Sadly humans are very quick to dump their rubbish in places like this. We need to educate kids from young ages to preserve the environment, and use the litter bins provided.”

Miss Emily thought for a moment, “don’t they teach that in school? I have never been to school so have no idea what they teach there.”

“Miss Emily I don’t know what they teach in school nowadays, but you can bet even if they did teach it there will always be the one person that will litter and do their worst.”

Miss Emily sighed and rummaged in her pocket and took out a cheerful looking hat and stuck it on her head. “Look what I found..”

“Wow Miss Emily, I am impressed, usually you loose a hat as soon as you wear it.”

“I know, it is amazing, although this is not the correct hat for this dress.”

“I must try to find you a boater, or one of those sennet hats like they use in the Royal Navy.”

“That’s a great idea, I have the dress already!”

“A nautical theme, I like that.” 

We walked a bit further, and I took a missed step and almost fell, fortunately neither of us were damaged but it was a close call.

“Please be careful..” Miss Emily admonished. “If something happens to you I am going to be in big trouble.”

“I know Miss Emily, I have been thinking a lot about that, at some point I may need to sell you to another collector, although if I leave here I would love to take you with me.”

“I understand, but let us enjoy ourselves before that happens.”

“Well said Miss Emily. Come, its almost lunch time, I am sure your tummy is rumbling.”

“Oh yes. Can we have pizza?”

“Sundays are traditionally roast, 2 veg, spuds and gravy with pud for after.”

 “Pud? what is this pud I hear you talk about?”

“You know, pudding, desert, afters…”

“Aaaah Pudding!! why did’t you say so? although will it be Yorkshire pudding or black pudding? those are imitations, they do not belong to the after dinner menu.”

“Very well spotted Miss Emily, personally I am a fan of Yorkshire Pudding, but will give black pudding a miss.”

“Black pudding is yucky stuff! gimme custard and ice cream with a side order of choc and I am a happy camper.” 

“I agree, come, lets go eat.

“Oh, before we go, where is your new hat?”

“It’s er.. um… I dunno? but, I still have my giant bow!”

“I am surprised. Keep it up Miss Emily, one day you will be able to keep a hat.”

And I know she will try, but there are some things that Miss Emily just cannot do, and keep a hat is one. And now, it is time for lunch.”

© DRW 2017-2018. Created 02/06/2017

Updated: 12/01/2018 — 07:17

Back to the park

Miss Emily had been hinting that it was time to go to the park again because she needed to have some exercise after her long winter hibernation. “Miss Emily, dolls do not hibernate” 

“Well I did, Winter was soooooo long and boring I would have fallen asleep if I had sleep eyes” she retorted.

So I relented and the two of us traipsed up the hill to the local park. actually I did the traipsing, Miss Emily just kind of hung on. Unfortunately there were kids in the park which made taking pics awkward, so I was not to get all of the pics I wanted.

The first thing she tried out was called “The Collider” and frankly I have no idea what it was supposed to do. Miss Emily however knew what to do and she twiddled the big yellow wheel, causing the balls inside to  tumble. 

“This is the kids version of the Large Hardon Collider“, she said knowingly, “I can create sub-atomic particles with this. now if only I knew what sub-atomic particles are!” she admitted.

Next on her list was the roundabout,  she really wanted to go whizzing around at breakneck speed but a munchkin kept on sidling closer out of curiosity and I wanted to avoid having her in my viewfinder.

“Gee, this doesn’t go very fast” she said, “how am I supposed to go flying off at this speed?”

She then tried a strange metal contraption…. it bounces and turns and looks very uncomfortable

“Oh I like this goodie, we need one at home.” 

“No we don’t!”

“Spoilsport! I am going to pout on the jungle gym thingey!”

“Miss Emily, you are doing it wrong!”

“I am? I was just checking.”

Miss Emily, your hair is a mess. Where is your hat?” Miss Emily had a knack of loosing her hat, and never knowing where it was.

“I dunno, I could not find it, I think it ran away with the dish and the spoon.”

“That is what you said last time. You look tired Miss Pouty Face, let’s go home.”

“I am, I am. all this activity makes my tummy wobbly.”

and so we headed off for home where we will try to find her hat. 

© DRW 2017-2018. Created 22/04/2017

Updated: 11/01/2018 — 20:46
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