Conversations with Emily

Often when I get an idea I play it out in my mind, especially when it comes to writing a skit. Sometimes I use the idea, sometimes I don’t, and occasionally end up with pics that I do not use. I intend capturing some of these moments.


Spring is sprung.

Miss Emily has been in hibernation for quite some time but paid a brief visit to the world in her new dress.

“Finally! Spring is here!”

“I like your new dress Miss Emily.”

“Isn’t it snazzy? and it matches my sandals too”

“You are a regular Pink Panther now. And of course Courage matches your dress too.”

“Oh yes, Pink is the new black. Spring is also the season for ice cream,” she said hopefully.

“I will definitely get me some of those.” I teased.

“And will you buy some for me?”

“Nope, you take them to school and they leak all over your books and stationary.”

“But, but, but…”

“In fact there is a new rule. You are only allowed ice cream in a small tub, and by small I do not mean 5 litres either!”

“SMALL? noooooooooooooooooooooo! I may as well go back into hibernation.”

“You hibernated way too long, you even missed the snow. I tried to wake you but you snoozed away. I even knocked on your head to see whether anybody was home; but Miss Emily sawed wood while wearing a blank expression.”

“Blank expression? I was doing my famous pouty face. All you had to do was wave an ice cream cone in my immediate vicinity and I would have rebooted.”

“I will remember for next time.”

“I think we deserve a huge pud for lunch today because I have been such a good girl.”

“To quote Pink Floyd: “How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?” “

“Meat? there will be meat?”

“Probably not, it is expensive stuff. The bank won’t even give me a loan to buy a steak.”

“A steak or two you mean?”

“No steak for you Miss Emily, broccoli and carrots are on your menu.”

“Oh pooh.”

“However, because you have been a good girl this past year I will allow you a small trifle.”

“A trifle? if I put some in my ears will I be a trifle deaf?”

“No more than than normal. Come along lets us go inside, I need some tea. “

“Okey dokey, may we negotiate on the pudding question?”

“Hmm…  I will see how it goes. It really depends on the weather.”

“Weather has nothing to do with pudding.”

“No it doesn’t, but in this case it is more to do with whether, as in “Whether we have enough or whether I have space in the freezer for more. “.”


On finding an abandoned shopping trolley near the Carrant Brook…

“May I push this trolley into the river?”

“Certainly not! You are not a mindless vandal.”

“But everybody else does it.”

“If everybody else jumped off a bridge would you jump off a bridge?

“It depended on whether there was a soft landing or not.”

“Well, if you do decide to dump that trolley into the river be rest assured that you will spend the next week upside down in your box in the cupboard!”

“That’s kind of harsh.”

“What did you expect?”

“Ice cream… “

How does one deal with that kind of logic? 

On going to school…

“Ok, so I get to wear this cool uniform and sit in a classroom with other kids and get taught stuff by an adult in front of a chalkboard/”

“Something like that.”

“It does not sound like fun. I will much rather spend that time surfing the net and looking at crazy cat videos.”

“I am inclined to agree with you. School does stifle creativity.”

“I can be creative, look, I found 17 sites with dolls in them, and 16 of them have profiles on facebook and linkedin! I want a profile on facebook and linkedin!”

“You can’t because you are too young!”

“Too young? but but but…”

“Besides, I am letting you have a portion of my blog to use. I should be charging you a hosting fee!”

“Fee? I am a penniless dolly who doesn’t have 2 pence to rub together.”

“That’s because you spend your pocket money on ice cream and giant hair bows.”

Miss Emily was busted for eating ice cream in class.

“So Miss Emily, can you please explain why you were eating ice cream in class?”

“I had to eat it or it would have melted.”

“Why did you take it to school and not leave it at home in the freezer for when you came home from school?”

“Um… well I kind of bought it on my way to school.”

“Ah, and then you snuck it in and scoffed it during class?”

“Yep, that is it, I tried to eat it during maths class.”

“And the end result was a “Please Explain”?”

“Yep, one of those. Geez, it’s not as if I was doing something bad.”

“I would consider eating ice cream during maths to be a major bad thing, especially if you are not supposed to even have an ice cream in any class. Have you done this before?”

“Nope, never in maths class.”

“Ah, so you have eaten ice cream in a different class?”

“Oops, that was not supposed to come out.”

“Miss Emily, no ice cream for you for a month!”

“Oh pooh, does that mean I will have to throw away the Eskimo Pie in my bag?”

“You have an Eskimo Pie in your bag?”

“Oh yes, I was saving it for geography class.”

“Miss Emily, I think you need to go spend some time in the corner and ponder on your misdeeds after you have thrown away the Eskimo Pie and any other ice cream products that may be lurking in your bag.”

“Can’t I eat them instead?”

“Certainly not. In fact you can give them to me. I will eat them.”

“Mutter mutter…. “

“Don’t mutter to me in that tone of voice. Give me your ill gotten stash before I decide to make things much worse.”

I really enjoyed the ice cream, although how she ended up with three of them I will never know. Hopefully this will be the last we hear of ice cream in school.


Speeches and ice cream (again)

“Miss Emily, how was your day at school?”
“It was OK, we learnt about “ex””
“Don’t you mean “x”?”
“Nope, it was definitely “ex””.
“I will take your word for it then; but what did you learn about this mysterious “ex”?”
“Um, I learnt that it stands for EXAMS!!”
“Aaah now I see where you are going.”
“I am going somewhere?”
“It is figure of speech. Anyway, I think you are too young to write exams.”
“I am, I am. But these are spoken exams as in “The boy stood on the burning deck….””
“In other word you have to make a speech?”
“That’s it! I have to talk for at least 10 minutes about something. I could not think of enough to say about Ice cream that would last for 10 minutes. An ice cream isn’t alive for that long.”
“Especially when you have it in your grubby hands.”
“Grubby? my hands grubby?”
“Yes, they are full of ice cream stains”
“Whoops… um, well you know…”
“Were you busted for scoffing ice cream in class again?”
Miss Emily looked crestfallen.
“And your punishment is to give a speech?”
She nodded.
“You are lucky, when I was in school we had to learn a poem all about a drought.”
“A drought?”
“Yep, it rambled on and on about thirst and dry and sand and relentless heat.”
“I get thirsty just hearing about it.”
“And, to make matters worse, it was the day before the schools broke up, so instead of rubbing our hands together in anticipation of the 3 weeks holiday ahead, we had to learn that dumb poem.”
“You should have had some ice cream, that would have made everything right.”
“Not everything can be set right by the judicious scoffing of chocolate flavoured dairy products.”
“It should be…”
“I do agree to a point, but I am afraid life is not always that straight forward.”
“Oh pooh, then I better think about what I am going to say.”
“Well, you are an expert dolly translator, why not use that in your speech?”
“Oooo, thats an idea, maybe I can do my speech in thick German.”
“Better stick to English or you may just end up having to learn a long winded poem about a drought. I will leave it to you. Do not disappoint!”
I left Miss Emily to her mutterings about Eskimo Pies, Cornettos and the benefits of a Flake and chocolate sprinkles on your favourite Neopolitan ice cream sandwich.

The next day..

“So Miss Emily, how did it go?”
“I said to them… “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.”
“That sounds familiar, did you translate it yourself?”
“Not exactly, it is one of those funny thingamajigs that you find when you mess around with your blog and preview the settings”
“I knew it sounded familiar. But what did the teacher say?”
“Glacies crepito ut ultra vos autem videtis me post schola”
“No more ice cream for you, see me after school”

This entry was posted in Personal and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.